A Zevis Missive

After reading my recent missive, a friend in Atlanta suggested that I turn my warped sense of humor towards the ITBG (Inside The Beltway Gang). He implied that it would be an easy target… and By Golly, it was.

Ether Island – a land far away from reality.

This is Zevis Granthorn inviting you to come aboard for an exciting trip to Ether Island.

As we move toward tomorrow, I feel it prudent to inform you that we will be traveling at speeds that can set your hair on fire. It is advisable to keep your mouth closed and your mind open so as to avoid asphyxiation of your brain. We will be leaving shortly on our long journey so prepare accordingly and… good luck.

Ebb and Flo Freely* will be our guides during this journey. Ebb and Flo have extensive experience in the movement of tides on Ether Island and will be available to elaborate on any topic on which you wish to be informed. The fact that they don’t know any more about the situation than you do is irrelevant because they have perfected the BS of Political Correctness. This one essential tool has prepared them to guide us in any direction in which we imagine we want to go. Forget about the price of this trip, it will all be absorbed by the cosmos of Ether Island.

So, are you ready to go? Lets do it!

First, we will be watching placidly as our fortunes disappear into the swamp of Foggy Bottom. Don’t let this alarm you because we will have access to an unlimited supply of paper money and infinite debt. We can charge everything to our America Excess credit card and never be held responsible for making a payment. Again, the cosmos of Ether Island will absorb and dissolve all the unpleasant details. Don’t worry, be happy.

Try to understand and placate the angry mob of infidels at our door waiting to entertain us with their circus-like antics. They have had plenty of time and frustration to keep them agitated until the show begins. This encounter is guaranteed to produce an evening of extraordinary excitement. Still, you can relax with the knowledge of knowing that because of our strict gun laws, they will not have any automatic weapons with which to do any real harm. Rest assured.

If you feel the need to visit the public restroom, please proceed to the rear where there will be a door that opens into the cosmos of Ether Island; here your deposits will be magically transformed into vanilla ice cream. For those of you who don’t like vanilla, you may submit a petition requesting something different… just don’t expect anyone to read or react to it. Get used to it.

So, let’s review. 1. Don’t worry, be happy. 2. Rest assured. and 3. Get used to it.

Have a nice day and enjoy the trip.

* Ebb and Flo Freely are descendants of the ITBG (Inside The Beltway Gang) and will continue to serve us for as long as we allow it.

I imply, you infer. Zevis Granthorn

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